When The World Goes Black
by blahosaurus
Summary: Sometimes you can wish for something so long that it's hard to see that you don't need it anymore. And then there are moments when you realise...things are as good as they can get.


**When The World Goes Black**

Fear. It clotted the air, tying his veins in knots. But he couldn't stop. Something raged inside him, consuming, an ingredient in his blood that wasn't mentioned in Kagome's biology books. It boiled his thoughts out of his mind. Now he wasn't thinking. He was just feeling. Everything was raw. Raw skin, raw life under his eyes, coating them, tainted them. Raw pain, raw feeling.

Someone screamed. Soft, warm, struggling.

"No!" Against him.

And everything was tinted red. Out Of Control. Breaths chopped and haggard in a set of two. His own, and someone else's.

"Inu-yasha. Inu-yasha stop. Inu-yasha." Begging, willing, _pleading_. Honourless. Disgraceful, he snarled.

He was choking on fear. Not his own. Hers. Her fear aimed at him, clinging to his senses. There was nothing else. The bitter, acrid taste that smelt like panicked sweat coated his mouth.

"Bitch," he growled, ferocious. Merciless. Ruthless.

Her eyes were huge and blue like the sky, never ending. And her sky was raining large, salt-scented drops. It painted her skin in streaks.

He had no idea where they were. They were nowhere. In the middle of the forest, or a grassy plain, or a desert, or in a hut. Maybe. He didn't know he didn't care, he couldn't perceive anything else but her body trying to rip away from his. Anger built up. He couldn't swallow it down, and he bared his teeth at her, claws digging into her painfully, but not piercing.

In a deadly quick movement he knocked the feet from under her. She screamed, terrified. He ignored her cries, pushing her against the floor. It was dirt, damp, cold.

"Submit," he ordered. She didn't. Her hands pushed against his chest, but he didn't even shift.

"Submit, Kagome," he repeated, snarling. Her name seemed to knock the fight out of her and her hands dug into his haori.

"Let me go Inu-yasha. Let me go!" she ordered, gasping. For breath, for life, for reality.

She wouldn't give up, submit. Demons and monsters were awoken inside him. She left him with one solution.

_Punishment._

And then he couldn't see. Black. Red. Fear and pain and bloodlust, eating him whole, crushing them together.

He blinked. Conscience was seeping back into him. And his senses awakened. He gasped at the smell, overpowering. Sickening. It nauseated him and he tumbled back away from something. A limp weight lifted away from him.

And he knew. He knew and horror crept into him, crawling from deep within.

Denial. Horror. Bile. Death, her death. Blood, thick. Slick,

Red.

He couldn't breathe. The information too monumental to dilute into his acceptance. There, on the floor, brown and red and damp(er) was Kagome. Eyes opened, wide. Blue glassed over. Expressionless. Lips parted as if she were trying to speak.

He was shaking. Facts taking form of an earthquake. First came the P waves (longitudinal, making him nod. Yes. It's true. _Your Fault_.), then the S waves (transverse. Shaking him like a wolf a rabbit), and he was falling down. On his knees, a begging position, wasn't it? Staring at his hands. Coated,

Red.

With her blood. Her muscles were exposed, veins and arteries split open. Blood was on everything. Bones were cracked and reddish. Fibres ruptured and already starting to smell. Inu-yasha wanted to retch, but he couldn't. He crawled towards her form, and reached out to her.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so-"

"Oh shoot!" _thump_

He jerked, blinked, shook. Where was he, what was happening, where was Kagome? What Had He Done?

He look wildly around, horror still inside him, terrorizing him into panic.

"Kagome?" He gasped out.

"Oh, jeez, Inu-yasha, sorry. For once you were sleeping and I had to wake you up. And I though I had caught myself quite nicely." She added under her breath, even though he could hear her. He stared at her, eyes wide, and then reality crashed around him, settling into place. _Nightmares._

That sense of fear, unnerving and seemingly dangerous stayed with him as he looked at Kagome, kneeling on the floor, obviously having twisted or turned or stopped herself with her hands as she fell. He guessed she had gone to take care of her needs. Their friends lay a little way ahead, the fire glowing dimly, throwing a ring of dancing, warm light on their companions. Miroku was posed on against a tree, mirroring Inu-yasha's stance, sitting cross-legged with their weapon of choice sleeping on one of their shoulders, resting diagonally against their chest.

Inu-yasha's heart rate slowed cautiously. But the terror and revulsion would not dissipate for a while.

"Inu-yasha…are you alright?" He had been so intent on banishing the image of her slaughtered form that he hadn't even sensed her approach, but she was sat right beside him, leaning towards his, eyes searching him. He breathed in her scent because it was so different from the ghost scent of death and fear that plagued his dreams.

"Yes, wench, I'm _fine_." He said harshly, protectively. Kagome didn't even flinch as he looked at her, her own eyes holding that expression that he hated. That thought that started _Oh, Inu-yasha…_ It looked right through him as if she understood what he was feeling, and was searching the _why_ and the _how can I fix it_.

"Alright." She said, meaning, _alright, I'll leave you alone, but I know you're not **fine**. _

He snorted. Looking away and regaining his composure. He was still shaken from the dream, but it was quickly blurring like dreams often do.

"When I was little, I used to be afraid of the dark." Kagome said. Inu-yasha's eyes opened and he stared at her, honestly astonished at the pure randomness this girl lived off. But she was looking up, eyes with an expression of memories, facing the sky as she was talking to the exposed stars instead of Inu-yasha, licking nostalgia on her lips.

"Even with a night-light on, or the door slightly open, I was scared." She proceeded. Inu-yasha hadn't known there was going to be more.

"What finally banished those fears was my dad. He sat down next to me and asked, why are you afraid? 'Why does the darkness scare you?' I was little and I didn't really know. I just replied- 'because monsters can hide in the dark, and I can't see them. What if I close my eyes and they attack?'" She suddenly turned to look at him, big blue eyes staring into his own, and Inu-yasha was taken aback by her soft intensity- if that was even possible.

"The monsters which we can't see are the scariest, aren't they? The ones we can't prepare for, the ones that take us by surprise." _The ones inside us._

Inu-yasha didn't know what to say. Was it a rhetorical question? Kagome laughed softly, sadly, shaking her head as she turned away once again, this time to look at their friends.

"Monsters like the one that killed Shippo's parents. Or killed Sango's life. Or took Miroku's father. And mine…and yours." She whispered. Inu-yasha just stared. What a cheerful night, he thought. And then he wondered what had brought this topic on in the first place. Was it that she saw his monster? His fear?

"My Dad, when I told him, smiled at me like he knew what I was talking about. But he said, 'don't be afraid of the dark, Kagome. Be kind to the dark. Accept it. Because maybe it's not a monster that waits for you, but a prince. And If you judge what's in the dark before you see it, you may kill your best chance.'" There was a long, thoughtful pause. "I was too little too understand much of it, but it was the kindness part that got to me. As if being afraid was being unkind to 'good monsters'." She laughed sadly again, and his heart broke with that laugh. A knowing laugh, as if to say 'I've grown now. I know what this means', and it wasn't necessarily a good thing. She turned to look at him again, eyes less soft, more intense. He stared back. The forest was quite around them, only night noises filling the silence.

"That's why I won't fear you or Shippo or Jinenji or any demon before I truly see them. And I know you have monsters, Inu-yasha, but… I think you give them too much power." He stared at her incredulously. What did she know? She smiled knowingly, pissing him off even more.

Without another word, or further explanation, she stood up and walked away from him. He felt the loss in both warmth and a emotional level. He had hoped she would stay for a while longer, if only to reassure him that she was still alive. He closed his eyes sadly and lowering his face in a relaxed but ready mentality. He knew he wouldn't be able to even doze with his thoughts buzzing around his head as they were.

But the he noticed that Kagome was making way too much noise for simply slipping into her sleeping bag and settling in. His ears twitched against a sound as he heard her approached. His body tensed, eyes cracking open as he saw he dragging the thick blanket-like bed she slept in, a sleepy Shippou cradled against her. He watched her guardedly as she stopped before him.

"Can I help with any monsters?" She smiled. A moment paused, and then he shrugged, blushing, nodding slightly. That was as good as anyone else jumping up and down with barely contained happiness from the offer, she mused teasingly. With a larger yet softer smile she settled beside him, resting against his body as she zipped the bag open and threw it across both their bodies, even if he didn't need it. She snuggled against him as Shippo settled on both of them, nose peeking out for fresh air, but not much was seen of him, except maybe a tuff of bright orange hair.

That's one thing that had always struck him. Kagome's ability to touch. Her physical contact spilling from her fingertips. From holding hands, to rubbing his back when he got knocked back by a smell, to leaning on him or sleeping on his back. Trust and affection, he saw. He hoped.

He knew his friends where awake and watching, but he let it happen. He let her…in all effect, help him. Help him fight the monsters off. Because he was no longer alone. He no longer needed strength, because he had others to spare some for him.

"Goodnight, Inu-yasha" came her gentle whisper. From within the sleeping bag, a half-cheeky, half-sleepy kitsune bid them both goodnight. He felt her laugh softly. Inu-yasha muttered a stubborn goodnight, and with that, night silence fell over the group.

It was moments like these when everything seemed ok. When he could see the happy ending, the success of not only the quest, but of his relationships. Time like these when he felt like every demon could be defeated, every monster revealed. Times like these when he was convinced he neither needed nor wanted the jewel for himself.

Kagome didn't know how many times he woke up with the nightmare of her blood on his claws fresh in his mind. But that was ok, for it was times like these when he could contrast reality with fiction, and be happy with his reality.

oOo

**A/N**

One of those character delving fics which don't have much plot and are fun to write. The point was to take a possible scene of what would happen if Inu-yasha used the jewel to become full youki, and comparing it with what he already has.

And as a completely random point, I want to state that promotional corners scare me. Where do foxes go when they hunt? Oh yeah, that's right, whasisnameflirtomania. Duh.

How about your two cents?


End file.
